Pacing
by Gnasher the Dog (aka Mike Knipe)

A useful ploy to pass away the time whilst awaiting the result of the MOT test on your car, or alternatively, the birth of a child.

Otherwise, its what you do whilst trying to keep up with the leader of a walking group who obviously has his own agenda about being able to walk faster than anybody else i.e. "keeping pace".

If faced with this situation, its best to make up your own walk, probably involving staring at a waterfall for a while, having a paddle, visiting a lounge bar and being back at the bus first.

Also - there's "Pace Counting" which is what the leader does to see how far ahead he is. And "Pacemaker" which is what you'll need if you try to keep up. If you've already got one, you'll probably flatten the battery. Use the pencil in your compass (see The Compass) to write a final letter to your loved one (and one to the wife/husband as well, whilst your about it). They will appreciate the thought.

The only useful tactic is to put some rocks in his rucksac at break time to slow him down a bit, or if he's finished by the time you catch up, send your dog forward to attack his bootlaces, preferably just as he's crossing a bit of wet sphagnum.

Most dogs can be easily trained to do this by running around the garden with a slice of fried bacon attached to each boot and shouting the command words "Go get him Gnasher"

This is more fun for the neighbours if you're wearing your full kit of bobble hat with arrow on it (see Heading) and rucksac with a globe tied to the back. It must be done before the dog reaches six months old, as after that he'll just wait till you've tired yourself out and then, as you're staggering indoors for a cuppa, he'll trip you up and run off with the rashers.

Useful phrase: "Oh, I only did Sca Fell, Broad Stand (bit steep that for a bit), then Scafell Pike, Esk Pike, Bowfell (Bow Fell) and Crinkle Crags. Which was nice. Where did you get to? Is that all you did? Really? No, I've no idea how all those boulders got in your bag"

© Mike Knipe. Mike Knipe is an experienced outdoor enthusiast, walk leader and writer who has worked with Durham County Council and English Nature (aka Natural England).

Other articles by Mike Knipe on go4awalk.com include:

The Mike Knipe Column

The Art of Getting Lost . . .

How to start Peak Bagging . . .

How to sound like a walking expert . . . (writing as Gnasher the Dog) and

Is that a Mitt in your pocket - or are you just pleased to see me?