Bearing
by Gnasher the Dog (aka Mike Knipe)

This refers to the unclothing of the body to test wind direction.

Often completed in pairs (hopefully) to enable an average reading to be taken.

Also useful as an excuse if caught in fragrente, which is of course, Latin for wearing perfume and not much else and not to be confused with in-conflagrente which is Latin for standing too near to the pub fire. I once lost bits of my tail that way, but that's another story.

Useful phrase: "We were just testing the wind direction, Darling"

Bearing can also refer to the discharge of the unbearable desire to throw off the clothes and jump into that deep, green pool on a hot day.

This is always a mistake, by the way. That deep green pool might look cool, but in fact, twenty minutes ago it was a big lump of snow and ice and will be very, very, very cold indeed. For male members, a dunking in this can be extremely dangerous, and will result in the complete disappearance of any manly attributes which may be cosseted in the relative warmth of the naughty area.

My advice is to give it a miss, unless somebody throws in a stick, then you're morally bound to pull it out and chew it to bits, giving it the odd shake, just to make sure its dead.

Useful phrase: "It was too bloody cold for a bearing, so I just followed the arrow on my hat."

(also see Heading)

© Mike Knipe. Mike Knipe is an experienced outdoor enthusiast, walk leader and writer who has worked with Durham County Council and English Nature (aka Natural England).

Other articles by Mike Knipe on go4awalk.com include:

The Mike Knipe Column

The Art of Getting Lost . . .

How to start Peak Bagging . . .

How to sound like a walking expert . . . (writing as Gnasher the Dog) and

Is that a Mitt in your pocket - or are you just pleased to see me?